the dream of a ridiculous man

• --- spoiler ---
  
  i am a ridiculous person. now they call me a madman. that would be a promotion if it were not that i remain as ridiculous in their eyes as before. but now i do not resent it, they are all dear to me now, even when they laugh at me — and, indeed, it is just then that they are particularly dear to me. i could join in their laughter — not exactly at myself, but through affection for them, if i did not feel so sad as i look at them. sad because they do not know the truth and i do know it. oh, how hard it is to be the only one who knows the truth! but they won’t understand that. no, they won’t understand it. in old days i used to be miserable at seeming ridiculous. not seeming, but being. i have always been ridiculous, and i have known it, perhaps, from the hour i was born.
  --- spoiler ---
• bir magnolian şarkısı. havaların soğuduğu bu günlerde herhangi bir gün batımı sırasında yapılan bir yürüyüşte dinlemelik.
  
  well i'm going to sleep
  for the last time
  for the first time
  you know i'm through
  
  i want
  you to notice
  you to know this
  but you won't have clue
  
  i wish
  that you knew me
  so we could be
  like a drums on roll
  
  and all
  of my family
  will regret me
  and forget me too
  
  now i'm through
  forget me now.