mayakovsky

• frank o'hara'nın meditations in an emergency adlı kitabında yer alan ve 4. bölümü mad men dizisinde jon hamm tarafından okunan şiir.
  
  my heart’s aflutter!
  ı am standing in the bath tub
  crying. mother, mother
  who am ı? ıf he
  will just come back once
  and kiss me on the face
  his coarse hair brush
  my temple, it’s throbbing!
  
  then ı can put on my clothes
  ı guess, and walk the streets.
  
  2
  ı love you. ı love you,
  but ı’m turning to my verses
  and my heart is closing
  like a fist.
  
  words! be
  sick as ı am sick, swoon,
  roll back your eyes, a pool,
  
  and ı’ll stare down
  at my wounded beauty
  which at best is only a talent
  for poetry.
  
  cannot please, cannot charm or win
  what a poet!
  and the clear water is thick
  
  with bloody blows on its head.
  ı embrace a cloud,
  but when ı soared
  it rained.
  
  3
  that’s funny! there’s blood on my chest
  oh yes, ı’ve been carrying bricks
  what a funny place to rupture!
  and now it is raining on the ailanthus
  as ı step out onto the window ledge
  the tracks below me are smoky and
  glistening with a passion for running
  ı leap into the leaves, green like the sea
  
  4
  now ı am quietly waiting for
  the catastrophe of my personality
  to seem beautiful again,
  and interesting, and modern.
  
  the country is grey and
  brown and white in trees,
  snows and skies of laughter
  always diminishing, less funny
  not just darker, not just grey.
  
  ıt may be the coldest day of
  the year, what does he think of
  that? ı mean, what do ı? and if ı do,
  perhaps ı am myself again.